Post Rapture Pets
Evaluating Pet Sitters / Others
"Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the
clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord"

1st Thessalonians 4:17
Deciding who to leave your pets with can be very confusing.  Fortunately, I've
come up with a quick way to evaluate potential caretakers.

Each person needs to be evaluated on two dimensions.

  1. Rapture Index
  2. Reliability Index

Fortunately, both of these can be evaluated by knowing only one fact about the
person - their religion.  Simply consult the table below to find their Rapture
Index and Reliability and use the following formula.

Suitability Index = Reliability Index * (100 - Rapture Index)

You should try to get several people lined up with high Suitability Indexes, but
for different reasons.  For example, you could get an Atheist and a Baptist.
Religion
 Rapture
Index
 Reliabilit
y Index
 Comments
Atheist
 0
 90
 Not going to be Raptured.  Will
probably think the whole thing is an
alien abduction.  Ask to see PETA
membership card.
Buddhist
 0
 30
 Many Buddhists are Asian and could
consider dogs/cats to be 'game'
Hindu
 0
 90
 Unlikely to eat pet.  It could be their
reincarnated uncle.
Mormon
 20
 70
 'Extended Family' makes pet care
easy!
Catholic
 30
 70
 Guilt based reliability.  Won't be
Raptured unless Pope says it's okay.
Jewish
 0/50
 80
 First number is for Reform Jews.  
Second is for Orthodox.  Both have
practiced 'guilt based' reliability for
thousands of years longer than
Catholic.
Baptist
 60
 60
 Probably will get Raptured and
probably would take care of your pet.
First Baptist
 70
 50
 More likely to be Raptured.  May
accidentally drown pet at mass
baptism.
Southern Baptist
 80
 40
 Pretty likely to be Raptured.  Will
write strong letter to congressman if
not.  Could take frustration out on pet.
Pentecostal
 90/100
 30/0/100
 First number is standard
Pentecostal.  Second is for snake
handling version.
The third number is for if your pet is
a snake, and they are snake
handlers.
Satanist
 0
 0
 Not going to be Raptured under any
circumstances.  Will be very busy
with 'Tribulation' parties.  You
probably don't want your pet going to
one of those.